Years ago, I auditioned for my school's variety show, as a one-person stand-up act. I didn't manage to secure a solo spot, but I was invited to participate as the girl-who-auditioned-and-fell-in-lust-with-the-cute-guy-also-auditioning intro girl for another act. I came onto the stage "practicing" my script, then spun around all gushing about this boy who was also at the auditions. Interestingly, I was carrying a box of chocolates in a Valentine box for him. As luck would have it, he walked across the stage towards me, saw me, then broke into song, as I wandered around the stage swooning at him. I have no idea how well I swooned.
That time on stage, however, was the end of my acting career.
Some things have natural endings, like my acting career. Some things continue beyond their peak in a bad way. Very, very few people have the wisdom to go out on top. Even rarer are the things that surprise us by continuing in a good and surprisingly wonderful way.
I believe this site has come to its natural end. If not a full stop, at least a long hiatus. It has given me an outlet when I needed it, and a place to remember after I spent years, decades, trying to forget. I expect I'll find another place to write, but this particular site has reached its end.
There are, as far as I can tell, three people who read what I post here, and none of my family are in those three. To you, my loyal three readers, there are more interesting places to be on the Intarwebs. Adventure is out there!
I was searching for a box of Papermate Write Bros medium point blue pens on Amazon, the BEST PENS IN ALL THE WORLD, and the ones I've been using for, well, gosh, over a quarter century now, when J commented to me, "I envy you your things." I found a box, added it to my cart, and turned to look at him.
"You envy me my things? What does that mean?"
"I envy you your things," he repeated. "You have these things that you just know what they are, you have your choices made, and when they run out or wear out, you buy replacements online, you know what works for you. You don't have to think about them, try them out, decide. You have Your Things."
I looked down at my Eddie Bauer boyfriend-cut relaxed-fit size 6 pants, which were curled up a bit, leaned over a bit, pulled them down over my Mizuno Women's Wave Rider size 7.5 running shoes, and wiggled my toes. I've been buying these same running shoes for at least twelve years, more like fifteen. I might own a dozen pairs of these pants, all in the same cut and style. And another dozen of the shorts versions of the pants.
I have a dozen Eddie Bauer long sleeved striped size medium t-shirts in rotation that I wear under a rotating group of American Apparel 50/50 blend size small black t-shirts. My uniform. I suspect I'll wear those out soon, and need to find a new t-shirt.
I have a stack of Muji B5 sized, 6mm lined, sewn binding, kraft cover notebooks sitting near me. By "stack" I mean maybe thirty of them. I rarely buy fewer than ten at a time. My collection of Papermate Write Bros Blue Medium tip pens is becoming smaller, as the supply reduces. The pen is going extinct. I have started my search for a new pen, since these won't last me more than another five years. I'll need a new favorite pen soon.
I buy Patric Dark Milk 58% chocolate monthly. It is the most amazing chocolate ever. It is the yardstick by which I measure all other chocolates.
I have my yellow index cards. Everything I need to do goes on one of those cards, or I lose it. Losing items from my to-do list isn't the worst thing to happen, to be honest. Losing those index cards would be, however.
My drinks are easy, too. Rochefort 8, and only Rochefort 8, for a beer. All others are awful. Aw. Full. Suntory Hibiki whiskey, best whiskey for the dollar. Bubbly water over flat, soda or sparkling, flat is fine if the only other option is a soda. Silver needle white tea. Salt & Straw Honey Lavender every time.
I wear things out, I buy replacements. Sometimes the things I wear out aren't made any more, and then I'm somewhat lost (just ask me about my underwear, that's a story and a half and I'm likely to relearn how to use an overlock just to sew my own underwear I love the brand and style I have so much, and they aren't being made any more). I'll try a bunch before settling on the next Your Things™ thing, but then I'll buy a million of them (exaggerating for effect, but only slightly).
There are some things I'm willing to spend cognitive currency on, and many, many more things that bring me delight, sometimes joy, when I use them. Those latter items are My Things™. And now that I understand what he was commenting on, I have to say, yes, it's okay to envy them.