All my college notes were in pencil. All my college homework was done in pencil, too. Contrasting these, my lab journals were written in pen, as they should be. All my work notebooks subsequently have also been in pen.
I'm in a new college class, and am now unsure if I should revert back to pencil for my notes, calculations, and problem solving.
I will make mistakes in my studies, but those mistakes are part of learning, just as the mistakes in my professional notebooks are part of the development processes. I'm used to crossing out mistakes with a single line and continuing with my work, so the errors don't bother me.
And yet. And yet.
The question amuses me. My writing implement is a small thing to be unsure of, and yet, here I am.
Today is the last day of my latest round of antibiotics. Today begins the 2+ year journey to re-establish my gut flora to some semblance of normal. I'm hoping to build up a non-sugar-craving microbiota, starting with this new "clean" slate.
I started the antibiotics to fight an infection in my little toe. Who develops an infection in their little toe? The same girl who breaks the small bone in the tip of her little toe, that's who. My little toe is one big mass of crush injury, which is the result of a hotel room door rolling over my foot as I struggled to pull my roller bag out the door. The door had a heavy spring that pulled the door closed; my foot was in the wrong place.
This was in mid-May. I didn't take care of the toe. The first night, the toe had a deep, dark bruise on the bottom of it, blood pooling. The next day, the toe swelled. Over the next few days, I didn't do much for the toe, other than watch it, notice the changes. I limped the first few days, elevated when I was sitting, kept walking, running when I could.
I should have been better about it.
When we went to Portland and I found an ultimate pickup game, I was all of 7 points in when my foot slid deeper into my cleat and I realized, I hadn't trimmed my toenails. I felt the nail of my big toe slide off the nail bed as I turned to finish the cut. The disc went elsewhere, and I left the field and the game after the end of the point.
Okay then, two toes down on the same foot.
This was a month ago.
My big toe is okay now. My little toe was causing agonizing pain that radiated up my leg, waking me up at night and keeping me in full discomfort in the day. The doctor I visited two weeks ago speculated, based on the crush injury, swelling, heat, pain, and deep red color, that the crush injury had an accompanying infection, and prescribed antibiotics.
Crush injuries are notoriously slow to heal. Foot bones are notoriously slow to heal. Unmanaged injuries are notoriously slow to heal.
So, here I am. Last day of antibiotics, clean(-ish) gut flora slate, two injured toes, and an opportunity to keep the reset going.
If only I could go for a run.
"Uh, I have too many books started, and it's frustrating me."
"Five, no six."
"Do you want to finish any of them?"
And therein lies the rub. I can't say that any of them are overwhelmingly engaging me. Of course, if they were, I'd have been done with them already.
Instead, I've been making (and eating) chocolate cupcakes.
I'd rather be reading, I think.