To go, or not to go

Do I head off on a short road trip with an old friend and take the opportunity to catch up, or do I stick with all the plans I've already made. Do I drive two days with Paul and spend the weekend with my mom (whom I didn't call this evening because I forgot about the time change and that Arizona moved back into the Mountain time zone grrrrrr...), or do I head off to a 10 year anniversary party, a bring your own crab barbeque and two league games?

Argh. I don't know!

I'm terribly interested in going. The tickets aren't too bad in cost (about $300 total, less if I finagle quickly). I might be able to swing the time off from work by working this coming weekend to take the next weekend off.

And the experience would be really interesting.

It could be a completely eye-opening, mind-tearing, soul-healing experience. Or it could be a complete disaster. Surely nothing in the middle is possible. Of course not, in as much as that man has, in the last six months, managed to trigger more tears from me than even Kris.

I'm not quite sure how he does it, but from a I'm-not-crying-right-now perspective, it's kinda funny. He manages to ask the right leading questions at just the right time to push the right buttons and get me to think of things, thoughts and events I haven't thought about in a long time, or had pushed away until later, and that later became now. Most of the tears have been healing ones: reflection, acceptance, and permission to move beyond the memories, but some of them have also been tears of frustration.

And all of them good, because they've been a release, and have helped me in many ways: to see when I've been spinning in circles instead of moving forward, to gain perspective on the past, and to question what the heck I believe in.

Oh, to go, or not to go?

To look inside, or avoid the internal gaze again?

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