Long suffering
This morning, Kris was in the kitchen talking to his mother, when he noticed a movie sitting on the counter. "Is this a new movie?" he asked, looking at the back cover for a release date.
His mom answered, "Yes, it's a recent movie. It's a good movie, about a rich guy who learns a lot of lessons."
I had wandered into the kitchen around then, and asked, "What type of lessons?" That's me, asking leading questions to keep the conversation going.
"You know, important ones, about love. And friendship. Suffering."
"Why is suffering a good lesson to learn?"
I don't know why I asked this. Just after the last word left my mouth, I realized the error of my question. I had managed to spend six days with Kris' family without insulting anyone. I managed to repair one relationship, and wasn't interested in damaging any other relationships. Yet, there was my question, hanging out there.
Kris stiffened.
Kris' mom inhaled sharply. She continued cutting the leftovers she was working on, saying nothing.
After a bit, her words came out slowly. "Suffering..." she started, "it's a good lesson..."
Kris looked at me, imploring me to shut. up. right. now.
So, I did. Normally, I would press on. I would want to know why the lesson of suffering is a good lesson to learn. Sure, one can learn a lot about what's important in life through suffering. Maybe breakthroughs in personal development happen with suffering. But to suffer for the sake of suffering seems both unnecessary and, well, somewhat retarded if there's no end or goal to the suffering.
We left the question unanswered, the topic unexplored. Someday, maybe, we'll have the relationship where I can press on these questions, ask why and expect a thoughtful answer instead of repeated platitudes or Bible quotes.
Today was not that day.