Can't Win in Retrospect

A commentary, years later, looking back.

Thinking about my Can't Win post years later, I have to say that I still find it completely and utterly sad that Jonathan and I had made this such a big deal in our relationship. Looking at the number of times I am on his website as more than a passing "hey thanks" and that isn't food is exactly once. One post about us, that reveals the playful nuance of our relationship, that uses my name. To the hundred or so here about him.

His website wasn't about him, he said, it was about web stuff, so, no, he wouldn't post about me, about us. So he didn't. And I apparently didn't post back, though empirical evidence says otherwise. I just hadn't tagged them #snookca, because they just were. He was in my life. He was so much in my life that he was my life, that posts about him didn't require a special tag that said LOOK HERE, JONATHAN.

He wanted to feel safe. He wanted to be recognized. He wanted the world to know that he was the most important person in my eyes.

He was the most important person to me, and never saw that he was. Pretty sure he blamed me 100% for his blindness.