She's Like You, a Tea Person


"You'd like her. She's like you, a tea person."

"I'm not a tea person."

Jonathan had been up in Portland earlier in the week, and had met up with a local friend, one whom I had met a month or so ago. Said friend brought his wife along, meeting Jonathan for the first time. The three of them chatted, and talked about many topics between said wife's frequent trip to the toilets, apparently a strong contestant for this year's SBW award.

Jonathan stared at me after my response.

I continued, "What? I'm not a tea person. I like one particular kind of tea, grown in one particular province in China, harvested at one particular time of the year. That doesn't make me a tea person."

Jonathan took a sip of his coffee, looked back at me, and said nothing.

"Okay, look, a tea person knows the different processing styles of the three major kinds of tea from the same leaf, black, green, and white. A tea person knows that the flavor of Earl Grey ("Tea, Earl Grey, hot.") is bergamot, and that English Breakfast is closer to an unflavored black tea, depending on the blend. And a tea person knows that white tea is less processed than green tea, which is less processed than black tea, and that chai means tea, so ordering a chai tea is like ordering a tea tea. And that chai is made from Assam tea, and oh god I just made your point for you, didn't I?"

In his defense, Jonathan did manage to stifle his laughter until just before my minor epiphany there.

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