I went to BevMo today to pick up some beer, not for me, and wandered around a short while, looking at all the different bottles, cans, and boxes of alcohol.
I was unexpectedly nostalgic for the experience of drinking, which was weird. I mean, I'm still not drinking. I am still okay not drinking. I am actively choosing not to drink: I am not not-drinking by mandate or health requirement.
So, why the longing for something that wasn't a great experience for me?
Right. I wasn't longing for alcohol, I am grieving for the loss of the experiences that came with the alcohol. The winery tours with Kris and Heather and Andy. The sushi and sakes in Portland with the Oliphants. The exploration of whiskey bars with Jonathan. The quiet evenings with friends, playing bridge or poker or board games. The glass of wine at a large orphan holiday dinner at Keith and Katie's.
All the alcohol at the store reminds me of the of events surrounding past alcohol I've had, and those events are what I'm longing for, not the alcohol itself.
Realizing this is the loss I'm feeling, and that I had and can have more delightful experiences without alcohol, yeah, I'm good.