One of the items on my 2019 Goals Bingo card is "Play in an Ultimate tournament." I haven't played ultimate in a year. When I did play (on a broken toe), I managed to jam my right big toe so badly that I believe I tore a ligament, maybe two. Before that, I hadn't played in four or so years, and now I can't run more than 100m before I have problems with my hamstring.
The f'ing hamstring I pulled twelve fucking years ago, STILL f'ing giving me problems.
Of course, my thoughts now when I pull something, break something, tear something, injure yet another something involve trying to determine if this is a temporary injury, or, "Welp, that one's going to be with me for the rest of my life." Falling down the stairs and pulling a shoulder ligament? Yeah, that one's with me until I die. The little toe break from last year? Who the fuck breaks a little toe? Yeah, this girl.
Anyway, I want play in an ultimate tournament this year, even if it is some pickup team at some small didn't-make-regionals tournament, I don't care. I want to play.
And that hamstring is stopping me.
Except I am no longer convinced the problem is my hamstring. I was telling myself the story about how my hamstring weakened and in the weakening lost the supporting muscle that kept everything in line and the injury quelled.
But what if I'm wrong?
What if the problems I have, the intense pain ALL THE TIME in my hamstring, the inability to sit still (well, have always had that one), the sudden weakness in the hamstring when I'm running, the inability to sprint, what if it isn't my hamstring, but something else?
Say, something along the lines of the commonly know (dun dun DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN) ... sciatica?
Fits the symptoms. Could be I'm "normal" (for some definition of "normal"). Could be....
And so, today I begin my journey back to the ultimate field, fuck this fucking injury. I looked up the stretches, managed all six, noticed that, uh, hey, I have lost a lot of flexibility, better not rush that process. I added these stretches to my daily routine, just after the 108 soon to be 126 daily pushups. And I figured out, I can read or put on my current earworm on repeat, and be productive while on the road back to breaking myself in old and interesting ways.