non-fiction

Okay, I'm really not sure what took me so long to read this book. The subtitle of this book is How Depression Challenged a President and Fueled His Greatness, so it's basically about Lincoln and how he lived with depression.

I really like this book. I really like this book a lot. I highly recommend this book for anyone who has had a depressive episode, had or has clinical depression, or had or has chronic depression.

The book describes how depression, also known as the manly "melancholy" of yesteryear (yester-century?), was viewed in the 1800s (much, much differently than it is these days); how friends and family rallied around a melancholic person to help; how being sad wasn't considered a failing, it was considered different. Talk about a different viewpoint than these days, where if you're not happy, there must be something wrong with you. I liked the one point in the book where the theory that happy people are actually the unbalanced ones: they have an over-inflated sense of self and their skill-sets, versus depressed people who have a more grounded realistic view of reality.

About half way through the book, I liked it enough to buy a hard copy of the book. It helps that I'm a fan of Lincoln, I suspect. But really, there are enough good quotes in the book that I wish I had it right now to copy them all down right here.

Mid-book thoughts

I'm kinda chuckling at this book as I read it. It's all pre-Internet era advertising examples, which makes them hilarious in the context of today's world. That said, I wish there were an updated, relevant-to-today version of this book. Extracting the message, ignoring the historical juxtaposition with the number of upturned ideas about marketing, and the book is okay so far. Might be a bit too Mad-Men-esque for me.

End of book thoughts

Subtitled, "The Battle for Your Mind"

I read this book on the recommendation in How to Transform Your Ideas into Software Products.

The book was first published in 1981, though there's a 2001 copyright on some of the books. As a result, oh, ha, a lot of the products discussed and idea presented are so dated I felt I was reading a Mad Men how-to manual of sorts. There were references to Xerox's failed attempts at the computer industry, along with references to the Marlboro man on television (uh.... nope, not any more), and American car manufacturers dominance in the minds of Americans. The parts where suggestions about "possibly think internationally" had me giggling. And, aw, man, I understood many of the references to the older ways of doing things (hey, how about that Thomas Register?).

I really would like to have this book rewritten with modern / updated product references and case studies.

That said, the positioning yourself and your career chapter totally hit home. Still relevant, still applicable, and still swirling in my head as "I need to do this."

Okay, I found this book a bit hard to read. Not because the words or phrases are complicated or awkward; they aren't, it's an easy read, word- and style-wise. No, it was difficult because apparently I've been doing relationships all wrong. Well, primary relationships, anyway. At least according to this book.

Okay, maybe not ALL wrong. I'd been doing a lot correctly, tidbits and habits picked up over the years. The big things, though, those I'd been doing poorly. The one I smiled biggest at the recognition of doing well with is launchings and landings: a kiss good morning, a kiss good night, a kiss hello, a kiss goodbye. I've done will with seeking out the Boy when I return from our being apart, which goes with the kiss hello. That is my favorite habit.

The book has ten guiding principles, with ideas like the Couple Bubble, becoming expert managers of our partners, loving is up close so look your partner in the eye frequently (like all the time), and learning to fight fairly and never with a goal to win, but to understand better (well, fuck, where have I heard that one before). I've done some of them correctly, but failed miserably at the rest.

The book describes people's tendencies in relationships to be Anchors (securely attached, comfortable with who they are and the relationship), Islands (insecurely avoidant), and Waves (insecurely ambivalent). Having read Attached a couple years ago when it was spinning through the web development spheres, I recognized the different attachment styles. I've most definitely become an Island, though I hadn't really thought I had. This quote hit me in the gut, though:

People who are islands often confuse independence and autonomy with their adaptation to neglect.

I'm still mulling it over.

Read this book.

I cannot recommend this book strongly enough. Aside from the fact that Atul Gawande's writing is wonderful and engaging, the topic of end-of-life care is too important not to read about it, especially when you're young enough to be able to do something about it. Saving for retirement is not enough. Thinking about this and preparing can't be stressed enough. Having read it, I am no-way-no-how going to move my mom or my dad or Eric or anyone elder and well-established whom I need to care for, from their homes when they are older.

I can seriously hope that if I'm faced with "do this procedure, get maybe 3 more years of questionable-quality life" vs "don't do this procedure, get maybe 1 more year of quality life" I have the strength and wisdom to choose the latter.

Read. This. Book. I mean it. I'll buy a copy, I mean it so much.