"I am not spamming. I have studied your website..."

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Oh, the spam today just gets better.

Always still annoying.

I have a number of domains that I use for only email. Not every domain needs a website. Websites are there because you have something to, I don't know, share with the world? If you're just using the domain to control spam (hello, customized email addresses per domain and/or transaction so that I can track when a site sells my email address or has a security break (hello, Ameritrade)), there's no need for a website.

So, when I receive emails like this one, I laugh.

Hello,

I thought you might like to know some reasons why you are not getting enough Social Media and Organic search engine traffic for kh47.com.

Um... because there IS no website for kh47.com?

1. Your website kh47.com is not ranking top in Google organic searches for many competitive keyword phrases.

Correct.

2. Your company is not doing well in most of the Social Media Websites.

My brand is, however.

3. Your site is not user friendly on mobile devices.

It is wonderfully user-friendly! It does EXACTLY what it is designed to do, which is NOTHING.

There are many additional improvements that could be made to your website, and if you would like to learn about them, and are curious to know what our working together would involve, then I would be glad to provide you with a detailed analysis.

I really think I should respond with "Yes, please do," and see what happens.

Our clients consistently tell us that their customers find them because they are at the top of the Google search rankings. Being at the top left of Google (#1- #3 organic positions) is the best thing you can do for your company's website traffic and online reputation. You will be happy to know that, my team is willing to guarantee you 1st page Google ranking for most of your targeted keyword phrases in our six month ongoing campaign.

Sound interesting? Feel free to email us or alternatively you can provide me with your phone number and the best time to call you.

Best Regards,
Michael Dupre
Marketing Consultant

Should be, "Clueless, Lazy-Ass, Spam-sending, Marketing Lackey who doesn't do due diligence."

PS I: I am not spamming. I have studied your website and believe I can help with your business promotion. If you still want us to not contact you, you can ignore this email or ask to remove and I will not contact again.

Clearly, this is spam, given there is no website.

PS II: I found your site using Google search and after having a look over your website I recommend you to implement future technologies such as HTML5 and Responsive Design to make your site more accessible in mobile phone, tablets, desktop etc.

Check. Right. Google. Because nothing is known outside Google.

Except maybe those tens of thousands of years of history.

But who's counting that?

No, this wouldn't be aiding any illegal activity, would it?

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Spam is annoying. Receiving the same spam 12 times is more annoying. Receiving offers for work that, well, could pretty much be used only to for nefarious purposes? What's the purpose?

This one keeps arriving. I find it completely annoying, in as much as it keeps arriving. Filters FTW, but come on. F'ing spammers.

You need to submit your resume for this?

We are now hiring for a Logistic specialist. If you are responsible, active, easy-going person, looking for a great job opportunity with a stable income, this job will suit you.

About company:
We are a business unit delivering services to European customers. We are a global brand and the world's third largest logistic company. We present virtual addresses for customers from Europe and Asia.

Requirements:
-Constant access to the Internet;
-Possibility in making the photos of the packages;
-Flexible shipping options;
-Responsibility;
-Activity;
-Readiness working in one team;

Duties;
-Stay at workplace (home address) from 9 am till 5 pm;
-Receive packages during the working hours;
-Inform your coordinating manager with the photos of received packages;
-Print the shipping label;
-Place the shipping label on the package;
-Deliver parcels to the FedEx facility;
-Report your coordinative manager with the receipt

Compensation.
Your salary will be 1500$ per month (Base Salary), plus 20$ for each parcel you have received (Parcel's Payment). You will get paid Base Salary monthly starting of the day you sign a contract. Parcel's Payment will be paid biweekly.

If you are interested in this opportunity, please submit your resume by e-mail

Fast Company sidebar

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I was interviewed for a sidebar in a Fast Company article about gender issues in tech. I am about to go out and buy a dozen copies of the issue.

Post office adventure

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I walked to the post office today to mail a letter that had to be postmarked today. I asked for it to be hand cancelled so that I could take a picture of it and have a record that I had mailed it on time. After I asked if I could take a picture of the cancelled stamp, I thought the reaction of the woman behind the counter quite odd: she nearly refused to let me take a picture. She held on to the envelopes (I had given her two, even though I needed only one to be cancelled), and hesitantly pushed the one I cared about to me. "You can't have any one else in the picture," she told me, as she released the envelope. Both of the envelopes in her hand were mine. I had just handed them both to her. I'm pretty sure I could take a picture of both of them if I could take a picture of one of them. Her reaction was just plain weird.

The only thing I can think of is that she didn't want me to run away with the cancelled stamp. Which also doesn't really make much sense to me, since I clearly wanted to mail the envelope.

shrug

Before me in line, as I was waiting for the hand cancellation, was a guy talking to the Postmaster. "If I send unsolicited email," he started out, "to you without your consent, I'm violating a law, and I get fined. Yet, you deliver all this mail to me and I can't stop it. Why is that?" He went on for a while about how he receives all this junk mail when he leaves for two weeks, and it's this giant pile, and he doesn't want any of it, why don't they stop. The Postmaster tried to explain how once mail is in their hands, it is their responsibility to deliver it. The first guy didn't want to hear it, and became more agitated.

I wish the guy had realized his analogy was flawed. The post office isn't the same as the guy sending the spam email, the post office is the ISP that delivers the email. Would the guy be ranting to Google about delivering the spam to him? He might complain about bad poor spam filters, and switch to a different ISP provider or set up filters of his own, but he wouldn't be screaming at Google about *sending* the email. I'm not sure why he thinks the Post Office is responsible for the mail sent, when it's the spam/junk senders.

The sad part was that if he just shut up for 30 seconds, the Postmaster would have given him the resources he needed to remove his name from various junk mailing lists, reducing his mail pile. I used one about 8 years ago and went from about 36" of mail a month to about 6" of mail a month, most of that wanted. The company I used (Green Dimes) isn't in business any longer, but 41 Pounds is. If I were that guy, I'd start there or maybe Catalog Choice.

Packaging Gone Wild

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For some odd reason, PF Chang's discontinued its sliced ahi tuna appetizer. I have no idea why, those were tasty bites.

They did, however, replace it with a delicious poké and avocado on wonton appetizer. It is wonderful. A mouth party of delight with every bite.

The packaging, however, is not so wonderful.

Instead of five wontons with the tuna and avocado on top, they deliver five wontons with five individual containers full of tuna an avocado.

As someone who often wants to bring her own dishes to restaurants that use only disposable dishes, I find this excess of plastic overwhelming and unnecessary. I won't be ordering this dish to-go again, that's for sure.

The lesson here might be "Dine in."

Or maybe, "Cook for yourself."

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