A year or two ago, a new health clinic went in at an empty lot close to my house. When it was approved by voters, I knew that I'd be screwed. Why? Well, just for starters, the spot would see a LOT more traffic than it was seeing (anything greater than zero is more). It would also have a larger number of traffic control signals, which mean, yep, poor timing on the signals, lots of wasted gas waiting for the lights, etc.

Even the announcement that my main doctor would now be officed less than a seven minute walk from my house didn't deter my loud and whiny complaints about this damn facility going in.

My fears have pretty much come true. Traffic has increased probably 200 fold in the morning hours. The lights are HORRIBLY timed. Drivers are morons in the area, thinking it's okay to turn right directly in front of oncoming traffic who has the right of way. Hundreds of man hours are lost waiting for the lights to turn green after waiting for the red light for the non-existant car or walker to cross the street.

Even the grocery store which had provided a decent by-pass put speed bumps into the lot, removing the only decent route to bypass the clusterfuck of the clinic exit.

This morning's commute was a perfect example of why I completely despise this new facility, and all of the lights and traffic signals and traffic and people associated with it: when I do the right thing, I get screwed.

So, there's a stop sign at the corner of the clinic's property. The commute is stop at this stop sign, turn right, go 20 yards and through a stop light that controls traffic from the clinic and grocery store which are on opposing sides of the street, go another 30 yards and turn left at the next stop light, which puts you on the major roadway which leads to an easy access to 2 freeways.

I received a (bogus) ticket at that first stop sign, so I'm very careful to stop at that stop sign within one meter of the intersection. The ticket I received at that stop sign was for when I stopped 20 feet back from the stop sign, then turned right without pulling forward first, despite it being my turn to turn right. Right.

So, as I approached the stop sign, a car was stopped at the stop sign across the intersection facing me. It stayed still as I approached. I stopped completely. The opposing car stayed still. I waited a second, two, four, six, ten. Annoyed, I started to pull forward, just as the car started to move to turn left into the intersection. I stopped, waited for it to turn, then turned right.

Just in time to see the first stop light turn yellow. Too late to accelerate through the stop light, I cursed and stopped at the intersection as the light turned red.

This light is the fucking worst light in the world.

I watched as the light in front of us, the one where I would be turning left if I hadn't done the right thing and waited for the moron in the car to my left turn left in front of me, turned green letting all the traffic go, then turn red again. I waited as the traffic from the clinic flew out of the lot, turning left and cruising through the second light. I watched as the light turned green for the people who were turning right onto the street in front of me. I watched light way in front of me turn red as a woman took 7 of the 32 seconds the walk sign allotted her to cross the street. Then I waited the remaining 25 seconds for no good reason, because there HAD to be a light at that intersection, a fucking light instead of a reasonable stop sign.

If I had just turned right, I would have saved myself the six minutes all of the waiting around I needed to do for those damn red lights. Six minutes times all the other people there, plus the exhaust going into the lungs of all those people walking into the health clinic, mmmmmm, that's tasty, and yes, my day started out completely annoyingly wrong by doing right.

Right.

The ONE person in the world who DOESN'T need a bullhorn, has one here at work today.

Great.

Trader Joe's used to carry the most awesome chocolate covered peanut clusters, packaged in an easy-to-eat-all-at-once sized container of one pound of clusters. Although I really loved the milk chocolate covered peanuts, I recognized very early that purchasing a pound of chocolate covered peanuts meant having it in my hands for only a few hours. After that, they'd be in my digestive tract.

Trader Joe's stopped carrying said chocolate covered peanut clusters, to my dismay, about a year ago. I lamented the fact, asked them when they'd carry them again, mourned their loss, and tried a different tact.

I started going to See's Candies down the street.

The problem with See's is that each cluster was 50¢. Now, this would normally be okay, I'd just purchase less of them because they were so expensive. And because See's hours were awful, closing at 5. When am I ever home by 5?

Given the expense, and the time difficulties, I switched tacts AGAIN. This time, I made them myself. Using a pound of Trader Joe's Belgian Milk Chocolate (mmmmmmmmm!), and a pound of lightly salted (you need some salt, really) ...

... I broke up the chocolate ....

... I melted the chocolate in a double boiler ...

... added the peanuts once the chocolate had fully melted ...

... stirred the peanuts until they were covered in chocolate ....

... then dropped them in clusters onto both parchment paper and silicone baking sheets.

For the record, the parchment paper worked better than the silicone, and peanut clusters don't spread. It's okay to drop them really close to each other.

I ended up with two pounds of peanut clusters. The ratio of 1:1 is perfect.

A couple years ago, I planted a white nectarine tree. I don't recall how or why, but it didn't make it through the winter. The next growing season, I had a large, dead stick in my garden. I went ahead and pulled out that stick, planting a peach tree in its place.

To my surprise, a few feet from the original nectarine tree, another tree grew. Usually, I pull out volunteer trees, especially the damned sugar maples from the neighbor behind us. I let this one grow, curious if it would produce any fruits as tasty as its predecessor did. As I forgot to copper sulfate my stone fruits this year, the yield has been miserable (boo, peach leaf curl), but greater than zero.

Yes, greater than zero is one.

To my delight, a tasty "one." I'll be keeping the tree.

The neighbors across the street from us have two children, a boy and a girl, fraternal twins. We see the boy out playing with his dad most evenings. They run the full gamut of various sports that eight year olds can play, from some sort of street hockey to basketball to catch.

We rarely see the girl. Instead, we hear the girl.

That eight year old girl has taken to screaming to get her way, or maybe just to vent frustration. Her screaming isn't a startled scream, nor is it short in duration or small in volume. Her screaming is top of the lungs, high pitched, full-on-I'm-angry screaming.

She does this when she doesn't want to get into the car, and her dad is carrying her and shoving her into the car.

She does this when her Mom is walking her to school and she doesn't want to go.

She does this when she's not getting her way on a Sunday afternoon.

Like now.

If you walk outside to my front yard, you hear a scream. And another scream. And another scream. And another scream.

I've stopped going across the street to knock on the door and make sure everything's okay. As far as I can tell, either the girl is upset, or her entire family is lying dead in the house and she's unable to cope.

It's times like this that I really truly want to ask someone who does this, "Why?"

Why do you think this is even remotely helpful?

What is this accomplishing?

Why?

Of course, part of me wonders about her parents. How many times am I supposed to bite my tongue out of social courtesy? You know what, your child is going to become a member of the society I live in. If my commenting on your parenting style helps her become a better functioning member, I'd say we both benefit. I so want to ask that neighbor, "What are you thinking? Why do you find this acceptable?"

Of course, I have a couple other people I want to ask that question, too. Why do you find this acceptable? Why do you believe it's acceptable to sleep in the same bed as your nine year old child every night? Why do you believe it's acceptable for your child to scream at the top of her lungs? Why do you believe it's acceptable for your child to be so dependent on you that he can't walk 300 yards to school without you? Why do you find it acceptable to do your child's homework, never letting him actually learn? Why do you find it acceptable never to let your child fail, so as to learn from her mistake?

Any to any parent who tells me to shut up, I'm not a parent, I don't understand, I'd like to tell you that giving birth doesn't make you suddenly wise, and it doesn't make you suddenly intelligent, and it doesn't make you suddenly better. It makes you a parent, not necessarily a good one.

So stop sleeping with your kid. Get her her own bedroom already.