I think it's time to give up this consulting gig.

I have to admit I enjoy the work very much. I like solving different problems each week. I like the short term nature of the projects. But, I think I liked these more when I was working with Mike. I think he provided a good buffer for me, good support. He knew what he was doing. I feel like I'm just fumbling in the dark for this business stuff.

I'm good on the technical side. I'm not so good on the business side.

And the personal side.

A friend of mine (not sure if he wants to be named here, as it's his story to tell, not mine) once told me that his mom would express disappointment in him when he was growing up, and just how much that disappointment hurt. In retrospect, that's not quite true, as I'm sure he wasn't able to completely convey how much it hurt, that's something you have to experience yourself to understand. And disappointing your parents? Geez, that hurts.

I feel much the same way about my clients as of late. I feel like I'm continually diappointing them. I'm worried about taking too long to complete projects. I'm worried about not understanding the requirements correctly, but annoying the client by asking too many questions to understand fully. I'm worried about doing a good job, sometimes not knowing if I've done well or poorly as the targets changed before I've aimed.

It might be time to get a real job, I think. With a "real" job, knowing if you've done a good job is easier, as there's one person to say, "Yup."

Though, sometimes I'm not so sure about that, either. Having run a business (can I say successfully? It supported three people for three years. That sounds pretty good to me), I'm more aware of just how much people fake it in business. Sometimes I just can't understand how some businesses stay in business, either. Even with a job, I might keep asking, "why?"

Maybe I'm just in the wrong business.

I have enough saved up for two months of focusing on plan B. Maybe it's time to stop with the client work and see if I can make that one work. Maybe that's the place I should be.

Maybe nothing. It is.

I can't believe just how much I hate my shower now.

I used to love being in the shower. That Seinfeld episode with Kramer in the shower 24 hours a day, installing the garbage disposal in the shower so that he could cook in the shower, never having to leave the shower? Yeah, that would have been me, if not for, oh, I don't know, work, clients, ultimate, those sorts of things.

Ever since the shower drain plumbing fix, when a new shower head and handle were installed, showering hasn't been the same.

For one, I can't control the water flow, as I could with the old water handle, which had a pull for water flow and turn for temperature. Despite the fact I bought one with the dual control, the workers installed one with only temperature control, no water flow control. Now the water comes out at FULL BLAST.

No, not water conserving gentle flow. We're talking turbo-turbine, rocket-powered, sand-your-face blast.

Which means I now use in 30 seconds what I used to use in 5 minutes.

Which also means I can't take 20 minute showers any longer.

The water flow wouldn't be SO bad, if I could actually save the water and pump it out into a grey water system or even just out into the front yard. No, the workers ALSO installed a drain switch that doesn't work. That's right, I have the flip to close the drain, except that there's no drain close to flip. I have a bathtub that I can't take a bath in. Well, until I go out and purchase a rubber drain stop. However, even that won't work, because the screw used to hold the drain cover in is about 3mm too tall, and sticks up. so even a rubber stop won't work.

Now, yes, I could go out and fix all of these issues in less than an afternoon. I could possibly even bribe Andy to help out, though I don't know exactly what I have that I could bribe him with. Maybe a cooked dinner? Maybe?

Of course, then I could go back to my 20 minute showers instead of my "10 second water flow, stop the water, soap up, turn on the water, rinse for 10 seconds, turn off the water, lather hair, turn on the water, rinse for 20 seconds, done" shower.

And have one fewer thing to complain about.

Where's fun in that?

Apparently if your company lasts longer than 3 years, you end up on the "we're going to bombard you with a ton of crap paperwork category and start getting all sorts of forms to fill out from the various branches of government" list. I think this is how the government has decided it's going to get the economy rolling again: flood the small business owners with so much crap that they have no choice to hire another person just to deal with all of it.

Well, that, or go out of business.

I guess this plan could backfire.

A few weeks ago, I received a notice from the U.S. Census Bureau, complete with a form that I HAD TO FILL OUT:

It's a strong armed, bully approach, actually. You MUST comply. You're BREAKING THE LAW if you don't.

I don't do well with bully approaches. I'm much more likely to become ornery if you try to bully me - a fact that explains much of my reactions to seemingly minor events that become HUGE in my world. That, and asking me to complete arbitrary tasks. I HATE to follow up on arbitrary tasks or rules that are in place because some fucking moron decided that it was needed. Gah.

Yeah, that census thing.

In a completely passive aggressive approach that is so common in the American society today, they attempt to be pleasant:

I find this quite annoying.

"For real? For reeeaaaal?"

"What?"

"For real?"

"What?"

"You're sitting on the toilet playing guitar?"

"I'm sitting."

"And?"

"What? You read on the toilet."

I'm wondering just how effective my neighbor thinks her watering plan is.

Hint: effectiveness is directly proportional to how much water actually gets to the roots of the plants.