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Deconstructing a Spam Comment

Blog Written with a loving hand by kitt some time around 11:06 on 6 December 2015 
Hello Web Admin,

Uh... we are already off to a poor start in our relationship.

I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors,

Likely because I don't give a rat's ass about SEO for this site.

for one you do not use all three H tags in your post,

Indeed. I do not.

Over 45

Blog Instead of being asleep at 18:39 on 17 May 2015, kitt created this:

Okay, this ad showed up in my browser, on I don't know which domain or from what ad network:

Clearly the ad worked in catching my attention, because my reaction has been "WHAT THE GD F---?"

Huh.

Blog Yeah, kitt finished writing this at 18:38 on 13 March 2015

And with that spam post, I pretty much know what to filter on:

"I am not spamming. I have studied your website..."

Blog Written with a loving hand by kitt some time around 14:57 on 15 November 2013

Oh, the spam today just gets better.

Always still annoying.

I have a number of domains that I use for only email. Not every domain needs a website. Websites are there because you have something to, I don't know, share with the world? If you're just using the domain to control spam (hello, customized email addresses per domain and/or transaction so that I can track when a site sells my email address or has a security break (hello, Ameritrade)), there's no need for a website.

So, when I receive emails like this one, I laugh.

Hello,

I thought you might like to know some reasons why you are not getting enough Social Media and Organic search engine traffic for kh47.com.

Um... because there IS no website for kh47.com?

1. Your website kh47.com is not ranking top in Google organic searches for many competitive keyword phrases.

Correct.

2. Your company is not doing well in most of the Social Media Websites.

My brand is, however.

3. Your site is not user friendly on mobile devices.

It is wonderfully user-friendly! It does EXACTLY what it is designed to do, which is NOTHING.

There are many additional improvements that could be made to your website, and if you would like to learn about them, and are curious to know what our working together would involve, then I would be glad to provide you with a detailed analysis.

I really think I should respond with "Yes, please do," and see what happens.

Our clients consistently tell us that their customers find them because they are at the top of the Google search rankings. Being at the top left of Google (#1- #3 organic positions) is the best thing you can do for your company's website traffic and online reputation. You will be happy to know that, my team is willing to guarantee you 1st page Google ranking for most of your targeted keyword phrases in our six month ongoing campaign.

Sound interesting? Feel free to email us or alternatively you can provide me with your phone number and the best time to call you.

Best Regards,
Michael Dupre
Marketing Consultant

Should be, "Clueless, Lazy-Ass, Spam-sending, Marketing Lackey who doesn't do due diligence."

PS I: I am not spamming. I have studied your website and believe I can help with your business promotion. If you still want us to not contact you, you can ignore this email or ask to remove and I will not contact again.

Clearly, this is spam, given there is no website.

PS II: I found your site using Google search and after having a look over your website I recommend you to implement future technologies such as HTML5 and Responsive Design to make your site more accessible in mobile phone, tablets, desktop etc.

Check. Right. Google. Because nothing is known outside Google.

Except maybe those tens of thousands of years of history.

But who's counting that?

No, this wouldn't be aiding any illegal activity, would it?

Blog Written with a loving hand by kitt some time around 10:45 on 15 November 2013

Spam is annoying. Receiving the same spam 12 times is more annoying. Receiving offers for work that, well, could pretty much be used only to for nefarious purposes? What's the purpose?

This one keeps arriving. I find it completely annoying, in as much as it keeps arriving. Filters FTW, but come on. F'ing spammers.

You need to submit your resume for this?

We are now hiring for a Logistic specialist. If you are responsible, active, easy-going person, looking for a great job opportunity with a stable income, this job will suit you.

About company:
We are a business unit delivering services to European customers. We are a global brand and the world's third largest logistic company. We present virtual addresses for customers from Europe and Asia.

Requirements:
-Constant access to the Internet;
-Possibility in making the photos of the packages;
-Flexible shipping options;
-Responsibility;
-Activity;
-Readiness working in one team;

Duties;
-Stay at workplace (home address) from 9 am till 5 pm;
-Receive packages during the working hours;
-Inform your coordinating manager with the photos of received packages;
-Print the shipping label;
-Place the shipping label on the package;
-Deliver parcels to the FedEx facility;
-Report your coordinative manager with the receipt

Compensation.
Your salary will be 1500$ per month (Base Salary), plus 20$ for each parcel you have received (Parcel's Payment). You will get paid Base Salary monthly starting of the day you sign a contract. Parcel's Payment will be paid biweekly.

If you are interested in this opportunity, please submit your resume by e-mail

Huh.

Blog Instead of being asleep at 11:13 on 7 June 2013, kitt created this:

Not very effective, I would say.

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