Christmas Eve Gift from Jonathan
I am writing this a year after this picture was taken, and back dating it to Christmas Eve of 2023, for Reasons™.
Jonathan came to Indiana with me this year. We celebrated Christmas with my dad, and my some of my childhood best friends. We met all the Klein grandkids this trip. Jonathan heard tales of my childhood, heard from Jenny that, yes, indeed, I do live out of boxes, I hate dresser drawers and have as long as she's known me, which is my age - 3 years. We went to the neighbors for Christmas Eve dinner, after meeting the neighbor in the local supermarket that day and receiving an invite. Which was great, as that supermarket trip was to find food that at least two of us could eat, because the house didn't really have any.
Jonathan walked into town with me on this Christmas Eve morning, braving some no-shoulder roads as I told various childhood tales of making this journey by foot decades ago. We visited the local coffee cafe, and had pretty-good, all-things-considered espressos and avocado toasts. We walked farther into town and picked up cupcakes for later. The cupcake store didn't have green tea honey cupcakes, but maybe one of these days they will.
Dinner with the neighbors was a delight. Wow, my dad can talk. I knew this, but, wow, my dad can talk. I was so grateful Jonathan was there with me, that we were having Christmas together.
In retrospect, what I really missed about this Christmas is just how large the gift Jonathan gave me on this trip. It took me just about a year to realize how big it was.
Jonathan came out to visit my Dad.
Jonathan has visited Dad with me three times that I can recall off the top of my head, probably more because BDML Era f'cked with my memories. Jonathan visited my dad with me more times than anyone else has as an adult, which includes my mom, my family, and all partners over the years. No other partner has visited my childhood home. Jonathan has visited my dad infinitely more than my dad has visited me, because you can't divide by zero without getting infinity.
It is only in the ending of things that I have begun to see how much I held onto things that simply were not. It is a year later, 9 months too late, that I truly see just how great Jonathan's gift of presence was. Being lost in a torment of one's own making is a terrible place to be. You pretty much lose everything in that hell.
Yeah, so, a year later, back dated to this Christmas, as it might be my last one with my dad, I say with much love, Thank you for being there with me, Jonathan.
