Where'd You Go, Bernadette?
Book Notes Instead of being asleep at 17:06 on 9 March 2020, kitt created this:
Jonathan recommended this book to me. He had watched the movie and, since it had an Antarctica connection, and suggested I read it. Well, he might have suggested the movie, but I read the book. Then watched the movie.
You know those annoying people who say, "The book is better!"? Yeah, I'm one of those. The book was better.
Where'd You Go, Bernadette? is the (fictional) tale of Bernadette, a reclusive Seattle mother who, through mishap, miscommunication, and misadventure, ends up traveling to Antarctica without her family. Bernadette's daughter is the one who wanted to go to Antarctica, and one can't blame her for that desire. Both parents are skeptical, but agree. Thus begins the miscommunication part of the story, as Bernadette tries to deal with her social anxieties, her husband misinterprets pretty much everything, the neighbor has to come to terms with her own family's issues.
The whole story is told through various documents, which is what makes the story delightful, and the movie okay. We read emails, transcripts, police reports, newspaper articles, and report cards. The tale is delightfully woven, a fun read.
A guy named the Tuba Man, a beloved institution who’d play his tuba at Mariners games, was brutally murdered by a street gang near the Gates Foundation. The response? Not to crack down on gangs or anything. That wouldn’t be compassionate. Instead, the people in the neighborhood redoubled their efforts to “get to the root of gang violence.” They arranged a “Race for the Root,” to raise money for this dunderheaded effort. Of course, the “Race for the Root” was a triathlon, because God forbid you should ask one of these athletic do-gooders to partake in only one sport per Sunday.
Location: 1,560
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been in the middle of a perfunctory conversation, and someone will say, “Tell us what you really think.” Or “Maybe you should switch to decaf.” I blame the proximity to Canada. Let’s leave it at that; otherwise I’ll get onto the subject of Canadians, and that’s something you seriously don’t have time for.
Location: 1,617
This cracked me up.
Pretty soon, I stopped thinking about home, and my friends, because when you’re on a boat in Antarctica and there’s no night, who are you? I guess what I’m saying is, I was a ghost on a ghost ship in a ghost land.
Location: 3,436
“Wait, weren’t you at the recap?” I asked.
“Didn’t you hear—”
“Yes! And this is Nick, who’s studying the penguin colonies. He was telling me he always needs helpers to count penguin chicks.”
Location: 3,447
Yuuuuuuuup.
We were quiet for a while, and then I said, “I think my favorite part of Antarctica is just looking out.”
“You know why?” Dad asked. “When your eyes are softly focused on the horizon for sustained periods, your brain releases endorphins. It’s the same as a runner’s high. These days, we all spend our lives staring at screens twelve inches in front of us. It’s a nice change.”
Location: 3,591
Here’s what surprised me about penguins: their chests aren’t pure white but have patches of peach and green, which is partially digested krill and algae vomit, which splatters on them when they feed their chicks. Another thing is penguins stink! And they’re loud. They coo sometimes, which is very soothing, but mostly they screech. The penguins I watched spent most of their time waddling over and stealing rocks from one another, then having vicious fights where they’d peck each other until they bled.
Location: 3,614
Yuuuuuup.
My heart started racing, not the bad kind of heart racing, like, I’m going to die. But the good kind of heart racing, like, Hello, can I help you with something? If not, please step aside because I’m about to kick the shit out of life.
Location: 3,877
I had to go. If for no other reason than to be able to put my hand on the South Pole marker and declare that the world literally revolved around me.
Location: 3,883
I was turned over to Mike, a former state senator from Boston who had wanted so badly to spend time in Antarctica that he had trained to become a diesel mechanic.
Location: 3,918
Yuuuuuup.
How to be an Antiracist
Book Notes kitt decided around 16:41 on 5 March 2020 to publish this:
I strongly recommend this book. It might not be life-changing, but I will buy you a copy for you to read, I recommend it that much. The experience of reading the book is significantly different than listening to the audiobook, which is read by the author, and veers into some church-preaching styles. I am not a fan of that particular style of speaking to start. I also tend to avoid author-narrations in general, as most are meh given most authors are not voice professionals. In general, I VERY MUCH prefer reading over audiobooks, so sticking with the book didn't bother me. YMWV.
The book!
The book is Kendi's personal journey through racism and his own work in overcoming his own biases. Along the way, we learn about his lessons, along with a commentary about what being an antiracist means. There are a number of maxims about being antiracist in the book, all of which can be applied to pretty much everyone. I appreciate how the lessons are taught as part of Kendi's story (and good lord what a story, why does this family have so much cancer in it, and all at such young ages, argh!), making the stories more relatable.
The one lesson I would ask anyone who read this book to come away with is this:
Making individuals responsible for the perceived behavior of racial groups and making whole racial groups responsible for the behavior of individuals are the two ways that behavioral racism infects our perception of the world. In other words, when we believe that a racial group’s seeming success or failure redounds to each of its individual members, we’ve accepted a racist idea. Likewise, when we believe that an individual’s seeming success or failure redounds to an entire group, we’ve accepted a racist idea.
Location: 1,465
Each person must be judged on their own merits. One person is not the representative for their gender, age-group, race, species. If this were the case, all white men are terrorist serial killer rapists. We have many examples of this not being the case. One bad meal does not make all restaurants awful, why would one bad day make all women bitchy, or all black men thugs (answer: it doesn't, they aren't). If we can keep this in mind, we have a chance.
Let me buy you a copy.
Definitions anchor us in principles. This is not a light point: If we don’t do the basic work of defining the kind of people we want to be in language that is stable and consistent, we can’t work toward stable, consistent goals.
Location: 262
My parents followed Norton’s directive: They fed me the mantra that education and hard work would uplift me, just as it had uplifted them, and would, in the end, uplift all Black people. My parents—even from within their racial consciousness—were susceptible to the racist idea that it was laziness that kept Black people down, so they paid more attention to chastising Black people than to Reagan’s policies, which were chopping the ladder they climbed up and then punishing people for falling.
Location: 413
Americans have long been trained to see the deficiencies of people rather than policy. It’s a pretty easy mistake to make: People are in our faces. Policies are distant. We are particularly poor at seeing the policies lurking behind the struggles of people.
Location: 425
Black self-reliance was a double-edged sword. One side was an abhorrence of White supremacy and White paternalism, White rulers and White saviors. On the other, a love of Black rulers and Black saviors, of Black paternalism. On one side was the antiracist belief that Black people were entirely capable of ruling themselves, of relying on themselves. On the other, the assimilationist idea that Black people should focus on pulling themselves up by their baggy jeans and tight halter tops, getting off crack, street corners, and government “handouts,” as if those were the things partially holding their incomes down.
Location: 469
Antiracist ideas are based in the truth that racial groups are equals in all the ways they are different, assimilationist ideas are rooted in the notion that certain racial groups are culturally or behaviorally inferior, and segregationist ideas spring from a belief in genetic racial distinction and fixed hierarchy.
Location: 486
David Hume declared that all races are created unequal, but Thomas Jefferson seemed to disagree in 1776 when he declared “all men are created equal.” But Thomas Jefferson never made the antiracist declaration: All racial groups are equals.
Location: 492
We are what we see ourselves as, whether what we see exists or not. We are what people see us as, whether what they see exists or not. What people see in themselves and others has meaning and manifests itself in ideas and actions and policies, even if what they are seeing is an illusion. Race is a mirage but one that we do well to see, while never forgetting it is a mirage, never forgetting that it’s the powerful light of racist power that makes the mirage.
Location: 562
Assimilationists believe in the post-racial myth that talking about race constitutes racism, or that if we stop identifying by race, then racism will miraculously go away. They fail to realize that if we stop using racial categories, then we will not be able to identify racial inequity. If we cannot identify racial inequity, then we will not be able to identify racist policies. If we cannot identify racist policies, then we cannot challenge racist policies. If we cannot challenge racist policies, then racist power’s final solution will be achieved: a world of inequity none of us can see, let alone resist. Terminating racial categories is potentially the last, not the first, step in the antiracist struggle.
Location: 832
In fact, immigrants and migrants of all races tend to be more resilient and resourceful when compared with the natives of their own countries and the natives of their new countries. Sociologists call this the “migrant advantage.” As sociologist Suzanne Model explained in her book on West Indian immigrants, “West Indians are not a black success story but an immigrant success story.”
Location: 1,044
With ethnic racism, no one wins, except the racist power at the top. As with all racism, that is the entire point.
Location: 1,049
It makes racist sense to talk about personal irresponsibility as it applies to an entire racial group. Racial-group behavior is a figment of the racist’s imagination. Individual behaviors can shape the success of individuals. But policies determine the success of groups. And it is racist power that creates the policies that cause racial inequities.
Location: 1,463
Racist ideas often lead to this silly psychological inversion, where we blame the victimized race for their own victimization.
Location: 1,954
To be antiracist is to never conflate racist people with White people, knowing there are antiracist Whites and racist non-Whites.
Location: 2,017
We must discern the difference between racist power (racist policymakers) and White people.
Location: 2,021
Of course, ordinary White people benefit from racist policies, though not nearly as much as racist power and not nearly as much as they could from an equitable society, one where the average White voter could have as much power as superrich White men to decide elections and shape policy.
Location: 2,025
Racist power, hoarding wealth and resources, has the most to lose in the building of an equitable society.
Location: 2,029
How we frame the problem—and who we frame as the problem—shapes the answers we find.
Location: 2,086
The saying “Black people can’t be racist” reproduces the false duality of racist and not-racist promoted by White racists to deny their racism.
Location: 2,252
To say Black people can’t be racist is to say all Black people are being antiracist at all times. My own story tells me that is not true. History agrees.
Location: 2,261
It is best to challenge ourselves by dragging ourselves before people who intimidate us with their brilliance and constructive criticism. I didn’t think about that. I wanted to run away. They did not let me run away, and I am grateful now because of it.
Location: 3,121
"I trust you"
Blog Instead of being asleep at 09:39 on 2 February 2020, kitt created this:Okay, I'm working through the Science of Well-Being class from Yale. Week three's lecture discusses Annoying Feature #2, which is that our minds do not think in absolutes, they think in social comparisons. Tragically for us, those comparisons are whatever screams the loudest or we are the most exposed to. So, watch a lot of television featuring old rich f---s and you'll start being depressed because you're not nearly as rich. Our minds ignore that many of said people may have inherited their wealth or won some lottery, and yes, a good IPO is a lottery win, many many businesses fail or have shit business models (looking at you, Twitter).
In the lecture, Dr. Santos describes a Burleigh and Meegan study where the professors offered to raise grades by a half percent. Scores were rounded up, so if your grade after adding the half percent (really .567%) was above something.5, you could get as much as a full point increase in your grade. No one's grades were decreased, but only those on the cusp of the next grade would benefit. Turns out, 41% of the class rejected the proposal. In the upper half of the class, 52% of the top half of the class rejected the idea. The professors ascribed the difference to social comparisons: those at the top risk those lower than them becoming better, hello social comparison, and are willing to screw themselves over so as not to help those lower than themselves.
While not quite the same, I had a similar experience in high school. There is no way I'm going to recall the teacher's name, but the class was some history or social studies class. He had handed out a test, then went up to the front and wrote, "I trust you." on the blackboard. He then turned around, looked out across the room, walked to the back of the room, and left. The class was somewhat stunned. I turned back to the test and kept going. It wasn't a final, more like a quiz, and, if I recall even somewhat correctly, I finished it quickly.
The teacher returned twenty minutes later or so, and asked if everyone was done. Everyone was done. He asked us to turn over the test sheets and answer one question, "Did you witness anyone cheating when I was gone?"
Turns out, when he was gone, after about a minute, the whole room exploded into loud stage whispers, questions and answers flying everywhere, pretty much over half the class cheating on the test. Not only was it impossible not to cheat indirectly, it was impossible not to know someone else was cheating. Amusingly enough, some of the answers called across the room were wrong. I didn't correct anyone.
So, here we are, most of the class had cheated, and the teacher was asking us if we had.
I wrote "Yes." on my sheet, turned it back over, and handed it up to the front.
Once all the papers were collected, the teacher held the pile in his hands, and said, "If all of these papers say 'No,' you all will receive a 100 on this test." The class bell rang, and we all left.
I asked the teacher later what the outcome of the test was for the class. I had received a 100 on the test, so I couldn't tell what happened. Turns out, the whole rest of the class did not receive 100s. I was unsurprised by that. What I was surprised by, however, was the revelation from the teacher that only a few people reported witnessing cheating in the class. I laughed, and relayed what I had seen. I kinda wonder if he already knew, if he had been watching the class through the window or door. He was unsurprised.
I wonder now if I had been unwilling to lie for the 100 because I was confident I had earned a 100, or if I wanted to screw over everyone else for cheating. I didn't know about the offer for a 100% on the test before the question was asked, but the teacher was known to be clever. I'd like to believe I'd vote for the 0.567% grade increase, even if I didn't benefit, but really, I don't know.
That I'd Do Differently
Blog Posted by kitt at 20:15 on 15 January 2020For my first trip to Antarctica, I made a lot of guesses about what I should do and what I should bring along. Because I have a journal, I wrote down many of my thoughts in the moment about what I would do differently, what I would bring differently. Fortunately, I didn't do everything wrong, and also kept track of what I would do the same next time.
What I would do differently
1. Have an iPhone case with a wrist strap
I had a handheld Sony as my primary camera, a GoPro 8 as my secondary camera, and my iPhone XS as a device that I carried with me everywhere anyway. My best and favorite photos were taken on the iPhone, I rarely pulled out the GoPro, and the Sony annoyed me (I had the camera settings wrong, and ended up with a lot of crappy photos). I was terrified about dropping my phone into the South Ocean, so held a death grip on it. In retrospect, I would have liked an iphone case with a wrist strap, attached to my wrist, so that I could use the phone without terror of dropping it or losing it.
2. Have prescription sunglasses
I went with my glasses, and my sunglasses. The scenery was bright enough that I needed to use my sunglasses, but couldn't see clearly with them. I wish I had brought (well, owned, to be honest) prescription sunglasses, with a neck strap to keep them on me in case of going overboard.
3. Not use a balaklava
I bought a balaklava on the recommendation of the tour guide. The problem with the balaklava is that one size does not fit all, and mine kept shifting into my eyes. I compare it to a one-piece swimsuit: the only ones that fit my torso length are too wide, the ones that fit my width are too short. "Normal" proportions do not fit me.
I would rather have gone with a hat and a gaitor. I took the gaitor out of the balaklava, and wore my winter hat, which was, incidentally, purchased for the ill-fated 2012 Antarctica trip (so, it made it, too!).
4. Go with someone
I would have loved to share this experience with a loved one.
5. Pack more underwear
Underwear are small, easy enough to carry, and, if you have enough, there's no need to wash them. I rewore many of my clothes several times, but not my underwear. I overpacked with everything BUT my underwear. Fortunately, the ship has laundry service. Delightfully, my roommate, Ana, was happy to share a load with me, so I had enough underwear. Would have been simple enough not to need even that.
6. Consider adult diapers for longish zodiac cruises
Okay, these would take some getting used to, to be honest, complete with practicing before going on the trip, but having diapers to urinate into, instead of having either to return to the ship and miss a zodiac cruise, or to hold urinating until after the cruise, sounds rather preferred, given the health issues I triggered by spending 4 days dehydrated. There are smell issues, and practicing would be required, but really, I'd prefer not to have missed any part of the continent trip, as I did by returning early to the ship one afternoon.
7. Don't buy the t-shirt
Just... don't. You bought the Polar Plunge t-shirt and you hate it already. You haven't even worn it yet. It is the wrong size. It is a cut that doesn't look good on you. You dislike the fabric. You have a style, stick to it. That t-shirt isn't it.
8. Sign up early enough for camping
Who wants to spend ten thousand dollars on a trip and NOT sleep on the Seventh Continent? Really now, who?
If there isn't any camping spot available when you register, or call back daily to see if a spot opens up. A spot opened up three weeks before this trip sailed. If I had known, I would have had it.
9. Read up on the geology and history before going
I shouldn't have learned about brash ice on the water, I should have known about it. The tour guide company sends out a list of potential landing spots. It would not have been much effort to look up the Wikipedia articles of the places, maybe save them to the tablet. Or have a book or five for studying and learning on the trip.
10. Have a clear prescription UV-blocking sunglasses
So, untinted sunglasses, or wrap-around sports glasses. Mostly the UV blocking feature is what I was looking for here.
What I would do the same on another Antarctica Trip
1. Go solo
Yes, this is in conflict with 4 above. I met a lot of interesting people as a result of not having a partner. People who came with someone were in their clique, even if that group was only two people, and didn't seem to interact with others except from the viewpoint of that group. Seems.... limiting.
2. Definitely do the Polar Plunge
Oh, gosh, there is zero doubt about this one. Jump. In. The. Ocean.
3. Have no wifi
Wifi is an option on the ship. Don't buy it. Not being tied to my phone was wonderful, and incredibly well-chosen.
4. Be present, accept what happens.
Everyone has expectations for adventures. This trip has the possibilities of penguins, whales, seals, ice, glaciers, breaches, calving, fog, and landfall. None of these possibilities were guaranteed. Yet, so many fellow passengers lamented this and were disappointed in that. The best choice I made on this trip was to be present and accept what happens, regardless of desires. Holy moly, wow, this is an amazing place to be! Sure, things could have been different, but that doesn't mean they would have been better. Next trip, I shall, again, be present and appreciate every moment, in the moment.
5. Have an approved location for my card
The ship issues a trip card to each passenger. They are used to track when passengers board and disembark. They are used to track purchases and open doors. My card had two locations, and only two locations: my front right pocket of my cords or the left upper arm pocket of my expedition jacket. Those were the ONLY two places (besides in my hand being used) the card was. I lost count of the number of times I watched other passengers scramble for their cards, unable to find them, or see them flip out of someone's pocket as they pulled out their phone and the card came with it. Approved Location™ FTW.
6. Keep a journal
Oh, gosh yes. Never be without. So many amazing and (retrospectively) hysterical things on this trip.
7. Have ziploc bags in my backpack
Yes, I took ziploc bags in my backpack when we went on our excursions. For the most part, I had items in the ziploc bags that I wanted to keep dry. However, I packed a couple extra ziploc bags into my backpack, so that when the opportunity to drop a chunk of ice into my backpack came, said ice wouldn't melt all over my back. That melted ice was amazing, btw.
So, there we have it. What I wrote down that I would do differently, and what I would do the same. I'm looking forward to going back.
Handing the Conversation Back
Blog Posted by kitt at 18:48 on 5 January 2020For reasons I do not understand, a couple months ago I started the experiment of handing conversations back to people when they offered them to me, and waiting to see how long until they handed said conversation back to me again. I would like to say I've been shocked and surprised by the data I've gathered, but I'm really not.
The experiment goes something like this:
Them: "Something really interesting! Let me talk for a bit about this interesting thing. Okay, I've talked about this interesting thing long enough. How are things with you?"
Me: "I'm good. I'm doing this thing. What do you think about this?"
Them: "Why, I think this way about this thing! As a matter of fact, I'm going to talk a long while about this thing that leads into this other thing. I'm going to continue talking for a while."
Okay, okay, the conversations don't really go like that. But they don't really not go like that. And I find the structure of my conversations with friends, strangers, acquaintances, family, coworkers, and adversaries all pretty much go this way, and all of them are fascinating in their consistency.
This isn't to say I'm bored in the conversations. Quite the contrary, I am far, far, far more fascinated and interested in conversations these last few months than I think I have been in a long, long time, possibly ever. I listen to my conversation partner, because I don't need to speak, I don't need to interrupt, I don't need to figure out how to counter an argument or top their story, I don't need to get my point across, because all I need to do is listen and wait for them to hand the conversation back to me.
I started this experiment because I noticed, and immediately hated in myself, that I interrupt. I interrupt a lot. I believe this habit has developed from working in Silicon Valley and in tech, where to be heard, I had to interrupt, because all the guys were interrupting. When the style of speaking is to be an asshole, you're an asshole to fit in. And when you stop, look at what you've become, and decide you don't like it, you change. This experiment was my way of changing, my way of watching (myself and others), my way of becoming who I want to be.
And it has been FASCINATING. I love it. The closest people to me didn't even notice I started doing it. We all like to talk about ourselves, it's hard to see when someone else isn't talking.
What do you think? Is this your experience, too? « I just handed the conversation back to you.